The enlightenment.

Tennis was great today partly owing to the bright yet cool winter morning and partly owing to the form I was in. It’s funny, how the angry and hapless look in my opponent’s eyes, after he saw my shots whizz past him, made me feel happy. I felt elated at having beaten someone handsomely. I felt supremely confident and authoritative about everything around me.
 

So there I was, riding back on the bike, preening to myself, excited about thinking, how I am going to meet the workday ahead head to head and beat the shit out of it.

Then I saw her. 

She would have been about eight years old. An expectedly frail frame screaming of impoverishment. Large eyes set deep in a hollow on a dark black face. Hair, a dirty brown mess of dust and black. Clothed in an ill fitting torn nightgown which was bizarrely bright yellow in color, beneath the dirt. She was picking up thrown away food from the waste bin at the corner. On hearing the sound of my bike she looked up, unnecessarily startled. I smiled at her, an awkward, guilty smile, to reassure her there is nothing to get startled about. 

Everything was alright until then. 

And then, she smiled back at me.

That smile, filled with shame and self pity, spread awkwardly across her face. And, as it strangely further darkened her face, it seemed to reach out and touch my heart. And suddenly the very surroundings around us turned a shade of gloomy grey.

That smile completely shattered the shell I, moments ago, had built around myself. A shell of false self esteem and ego. Born out of trivial and petty victories. 

I thought about it. Deeply. I would not like to disclose the thought process or the thoughts themselves. I am scared that i may not be able to do full justice to the impact they had on me. As such, someone reading it may not understand the girl child's predicament as I did, and would not be able to grasp the gravity. And, weirdly enough, I have become extremely possessive about that smile.

It was just for me. To enlighten me.

However I will put down a few resolutions I made: 

• I'll never ever throw away food, but would take whatever little extra trouble it takes to make sure it falls in the hands of the needy. 
• Give my opponents @ tennis an honestly warm smile when I see ‘that’ look on their faces, telling them : ‘hey man, tomorrow will probably be your day! 
• Try and help children like her, in any way I can. (http://www.cry.or/apps/donation.aspx?pagetype=SEM2011)

    

Of the above I highly recommend the last, (the rest two being kind of personal) to all my good friends who have taken the trouble to read through this paragraph.

Love you!